Saturday, November 28, 2009


At the age of 41, I am beginning to comprehend how many years I wasted just surviving another day. It does make me sad at times, but it makes today all the more precious. It also makes the people in my life all the more precious. I believe the ability to love each other is God's greatest gift to us. He did not intend for us to be alone. If He did, He would have stopped creation with Adam.

I am so grateful for the people God has put into my life, regardless of how big or small my interactions with them are. I love them all. Really, I do. People fascinate me. Every one of them has a story. Some are difficult and tragic, but none are beyond hope. It is never too late to be a better person. I guess seeing A Christmas Carol twice in the past week has hammered that point home! Circumstances and other people may never change, but our hearts can.

My childhood was often difficult, I struggled with severe depression for nearly two decades and if you read my other blog, you know what my marriage was like. Those are circumstances I can't change. What I have changed is my inward focus. Depression kept me trapped within myself, obsessing over my perceived shortcomings. A Christ-centered life keeps the focus on Him and allows Him to mold me. When that happens, there is a natural death to self. My whole mindset changes and I realize I am here to serve and be a friend, regardless of how long we have known each other.

I have been born again in every sense of the word and I don't want to waste another minute not being fully alive. If you are struggling right now, know that there is hope. Life won't always be so dark, and this is coming from someone whose favorite song used to be "Comfortably Numb." Know what it is now? Wonderful, Merciful Savior! My favorite line is "you are the hope when our hearts have hopelessly lost the way." Nothing, absolutely nothing, is beyond His ability to heal.

Romans 8:38-39 "38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Sunday, November 15, 2009

My 99 Word Testimony

In church today, we were challenged to write our story down and to keep it under 100 words. To someone as wordy as me, that was a challenge! After several cross-outs and restarts, here it is, with one word to spare.

One year ago this week, my life was at a crossroads. My abusive 13-year marriage had fallen apart, I was forced into bankruptcy/home foreclosure and had to find a new church home.

I had been a Christian for 16 years on the day I clearly heard God tell me to let go of my old life and come toward Him in complete faith. I have been blessed with peace,love,forgiveness and happiness beyond measure ever since.

I did nothing to deserve this. I only stepped forward in obedience and the nudge I felt within.

I was also thinking today about what a gift it is to laugh again. When I was growing up, I was known to be goofy, often laughing until the tears poured out and my stomach hurt. That is a part of who I am, and it has been returned to me. I don't think I laughed like I have in the past year during my entire marriage when I was merely living in survival mode. God wants so much more for us than that! I am ALIVE again and I want to shout that from the rooftops!

Psalm 126:2
Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, "The LORD has done great things for them."

Sunday, November 8, 2009

It's Fun to Be A Holy Roller!

This past Friday night, I went to a Phillips, Craig & Dean concert with nine friends. The comment was jokingly made by a co-worker a few days earlier that going to a Christian concert meant I was now a Holy Roller. That's fine by me! I have never had so much fun in my life.

It's an unfortunate misconception that being Christian means being personality challenged and dull. On the contrary, I feel I am a much more interesting, loving and outgoing person since I have allowed the light of Christ to shine from the inside out. And talk about fun! My calendar is full of upcoming events, from concerts to dinners to service work and everything in between.

Getting drunk on the weekends as a teenager? Being seriously depressed off and on for 20 years? Being so shy and socially anxious (believe it or not) that I could count my friends on one hand and still have fingers left over? I guess these things used to be fun to me but they are not anymore.

My challenge now is to realize that far more people still live in the place I once was and not to become so giddy in my Christian world that I forget to include them. My prayer for the upcoming week is that God will push me toward the hurting or people I may not otherwise feel comfortable with and allow me the great privilege of representing Him.

Matthew 5:16
16In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.